Saturday, August 2, 2014

Hillary Clinton, our next Emperor.

Over at Weasel Zippers, they feature a story about how nasty and arrogant and vicious and demanding and just plain unlikeable our darling "Hard Choices" star, Hillary Clinton is to those who protect and serve her. 

It's actually a punishment to have to work on her detail. As in, "Benner, you really fucked up this time getting caught watching porn all day. You've been assigned to Ms. Clinton."

And that, my friends, would convince any man that porn just isn't worth it.

‘Agents say being on Hillary Clinton’s detail is the worst duty assignment in the Secret Service. Being assigned to her detail is a form of punishment.’

And her nasty attitude goes all the way back to early days at the White House when Hillary and President Bill Clinton stepped out of Marine One helicopter and crossed the lawn holding hands.

But that was all for show. Once they were out of the public eye, it was a scream fest between the couple.

In response to a cheerful ‘Good morning, ma’am’, by a former uniformed officer, Hillary’s response to him was ‘Fuck off’.

Here's the ever charming Hillary greeting her Secret Service detail.

video


So now you know who Hillary REALLY is. No wonder there has been such a push to normalize transgenders. Our next president could be a tranny. And not a smokin' hot, sane one, either!


Who said women can't drive?

I can't decide whether this video proves that women are awesome stunt drivers and make punks out of cops...or if it just proves that most women are crazy insane.

Probably both.

So, the lesson here is do not try to stop a woman driver who is crazy insane. Let the police do it. It'll take six or seven of them, at least.



I was actually rooting for the Brave Little Toaster. Who knows? Maybe it was trying to find the master?




I hate to sweat.

I really, really hate it.

Obviously, this revulsion can be a handicap in my desire to stay physically fit. So I ride horses.

I know...I know...many of you just nodded your head, believing that riding horses is a non-exercise, requiring no effort on the part of the rider. How COULD you sweat when the horse does it all...right? Wrong. Soooo wrong.

But what is fabulous about riding is that you do it outside, when it's lovely and cool, and you are moving -- often rapidly -- through air, so you don't sweat. Or your sweat is whisked away by the cool breeze before you even are aware of its discomfort.

Glorious.

So you can get quite incredibly fit without ever being reduced to an unattractive, panting blob of smelly, gelatinous goo.

So, knowing this about me, a dear friend (did I say DEAR?) asked me...no BEGGED me...to attend a Bikram Yoga class with her. Of course I said, "I'd love to" because I love yoga (being another activity that keeps you fit and doesn't make you sweat).

On the way to the class my "dear" friend had a sudden fit of honesty and admitted that this wasn't just a mere yoga class. "Oh really?" I replied. "I'm fairly limber. I'm sure I'll be fine. And I don't have to do ALL the movements. I'll just not do anything that's too hard."

"Oh...that's not it. I'm sure you can do the yoga part. It's the heat part."

"Heat? What...heat?"

"Bikram Yoga is done in really high temperatures."

I was losing my agreeable attitude. "How high?"

"Really high."

"Mojave desert high?"

"Yeaaahhh....more like Death Valley high." 

"Are you shitting me? Yoga? In the heat? That completely ruins the whole point. And you know I hate to sweat."

"Oh, but it's really good for you."

I glared at her. "Don't be concerned about whether it's good for me. It could prove deadly for you. I've killed over less."

When we arrived, I politely inquired at the front desk about the whole heat and sweating and dying thing, and she gayly informed me that "Yes! And it's wonderful for you. Gets out all the toxins!"

"I don't want them out. I had too much fun getting them in. I like my toxins." I turned to my now suspect "friend". "If I make it through this, you're buying me lunch. And I intend to replace my fluid loss with a double Cadillac Margarita. Maybe two."

I made it through. I hated every. single. minute. I hated it with an oozing, slippery, dripping, faint-headed, almost-passing-out fury. But I survived.

At least I didn't lose my soulmate, twin flame and love of my life over it like this poor guy.

***********************

Yoga mat for sale. Used once.



Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiance may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

This is long and depressing as hell, but a "must listen".

Really.



Video courtesy of Little Bonanza Productions. For more information, 
please contact: lisa@littlebonanzaproductions.com.


Damn. I knew I couldn't keep my good mood going for very long.


The Excuse-O-Meter!

I'm getting one of these, too.

This is already a good day. A VERY good day!


I'm a MEME! -- UPDATED WITH ACCEPTANCE SPEECH!

On T-shirts, no less!

This is FABULOUS!

And all this time I thought I was just wasting my time in the inter-verse, exploring strange new worlds...seeking out new life and new civilizations...boldly going nowhere.

But, it seems, I have ARRIVED!


Me want.

Actually, it's not a matter of merely wanting. I MUST have this. I think it's required or something. In fact, everyone on my Christmas list must have one. Hell, everyone in my address book must have one.

I'm simply giddy with delight. This calls for an award. And an acceptance speech.

"To everyone who's made this possible, I thank you and I applaud you for being so very, very discerning and incredibly smart to see right through all the bullshit and idiocy on this blog to the rare kernels of truth that sneaked in despite myself and speak to our very souls. It has been a privilege and an honor to be the sole person screwing around on this project for the last however many years, and I can't thank you all enough for occasionally stopping by to laugh, cry, or just shake your head at my plagiarisms, stolen pictures, and hot links to better writing.

"Even this award must be shared with a dear friend because I've never thought of a single original comment, and who shall remain nameless so that I can scoop up all the attention. She is the one who delivered this now famous line years ago. We still laugh over it. She has incredible comic timing...especially when she's deadly serious.

So thank you...THANK YOU! I love you! I love you all!"





And I know it says 2012, but I'm too lazy to fix it. Or to make another one.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Even when he's wrong...he's still right.


The Left Needs Thorazine. STAT!

When Barack Obama was running for the presidency, we were treated to the charming, yet hauntingly creepy, songs of children praising him and looking forward to a future paradise under His gentle and wise leadership.

That I could handle.

But this? OMG.

O. M. G.





I don't even know what to say, except, "Run, run, run...run, Liz, run!"

When one sees this level of rank stupidity pass for clever campaign messaging, it is tempting to believe that surely it must be confined to a small fringe element in society and can, therefore, be safely ignored. You would be wrong. The insanity, beautifully set to music in this little video, is also on display at our universities.

NYU Professor’s “solution” for global warming is literally one of the most insane things ever…

Matthew Liao, director of the Bioethics Programme at New York University, says we should combat global warming by genetically engineering humans so they are shorter and allergic to red meat.

 Yes, really.

This is what happens when really, really smart, highly educated people find that no one gives a rat's ass about what they are doing. Feeling overlooked? Just like in high school? Can't get a date? Never been laid? Come up with a revolutionary idea to save the planet!! You'll be the new sensation! You'll get a Gold Star! Every left-wing think tank already infested with other really, really smart, highly educated people doing stuff no one gives a damn about will applaud you for your courageous work.

And that's really all you need to know about liberalism. It appeals to people who were the Gold Star children in school. Who never had a friend, didn't play in sports, couldn't get a date...but were the star of the classroom. Most of them never leave the classroom because it's the only place where they ever enjoyed a sense of importance and superiority. They are losers in the real world. But even the safe, secluded world of research and academia finally loses its glossy appeal when they realize that no one outside their towers gives a hoot about their life's work, and -- even worse -- the only funding they will ever get is from a government agency. So they spend their life begging the government for the money to do the crap no one cares about.

Talk about feeling unloved.

Recipe For a Wack-a-do Liberal Scientist


Ingredients

One super smart weirdo
Lots and lots of education
Inflated sense of importance and superiority
Millions of dollars in government grant money
Isolation of a university environment

Carefully remove all normal interactions with normal people. Discard. Stir all ingredients together and let steep until it becomes a toxic mess. Strain carefully. Enjoy.


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Heh, Idiot Congresscritters, it's not about you.

Surprise! It's not about you. It's about the people you represent.

What a novel idea. Just a minute...let me sit down and ponder that. Wow.



Professor Turley ALMOST gets it right. Almost. For a liberal professor he gets closer than I could have hoped, but -- like a liberal -- felt compelled to throw in the assurance that he simply LOVES Obama and agrees with virtually everything he wants to do, just not how he wants to do it. The reason this distinction is so important, he warns chillingly, is that if Obama can do what he wants now, then we might someday get some right-wing asshole in the presidency who will find it possible to do what HE wants and, of course, we all know that would mean undoing all the wonderful, miraculous, life-changing, earth-saving good stuff the liberals have done.

HOLY CONSTITUTION, BAT MAN!

So his argument breaks down to this: the only real reason we must now constrain the illegal, dangerous overreach of someone as luscious and godlike as President Obama is that we won't always enjoy such amazing awesomeness in the White House and we'll for damned sure want to be able to slap around some future president if -- GASP! -- America is stupid enough to ever again elect a conservative.

So the power of the legislature must be protected for the progress of liberalism!

FORWARD, COMRADES!

Of course, this dire warning about the remote possibility of ever seeing another Republican president...and I mean one who actually IS a Republican and not a RINO like McCain or even Romney...is laughable when you see the siege of illegals at our borders, the power of the IRS, the spying of the NSA, the refusal to allow even the slightest oversight of voter registration rolls, or the full court press resistance to the implementation of voter ID laws. Give it another year and the Democrats will have locked up the political power in this country for the rest of its history.

Honestly, when you are "fundamentally transforming" America, isn't it kind of important that you look down the road a wee bit and plan to KEEP the reins of power to insure your transformation is left completely intact...no matter what?

These guys may be dumb...but they're not stupid.




H/T: Small Dead Animals

UTOPIA...Where your ruby slippers don't work. Actually, nothing does.


I want to see this. Of course, it isn't playing anywhere NEAR me. Just like D'souza's film, "America". I suppose I'll have to buy both on DVD.


Your Saturday Morning Western

Remember as kids getting up on Saturday morning and watching cartoons, and then an old western, before Mom kicked your lazy butt out of the house to go play with someone...anyone? Just git!

Your morning western. Just like the old days. Sort of...almost...okay...nothing like the old days! HAHA!




Thanks, Dave!

Friday, July 18, 2014

SWIFT, INSTANT, IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL

One screw up and you're history. And now...with YouTube...I mean that in more ways than one.


Unflattering, but true.


And if it isn't the dog, it will be the cat. So I'm doubly screwed.

This is going to happen. It's just a matter of time.